Change is inevitable, but we must try to embrace these persistent ups and downs and learn to thrive on this roller coaster of transition.
What does change look like exactly? It looks different on everyone. It fits differently too. Some people handle it with ease and for others, it is a huge challenge. It is suggested that we “Go with the flow”. I have never been a “Go with the flow” type of person, but I am working on it.
My good friend Kim blogs about the idea of “Pivoting” when we are required to rethink a situation. I think this idea of pivoting is a perfect way to look at change and I define it as reframing the idea of change into an action. Pivoting puts us in motion, moving us toward this new transition or development. As Socrates suggested so long ago we should be actively looking for answers, putting our energy toward building on the new instead of fighting the old.
The older I get, the more I seem to be pivoting. Mid-life brings changes, lots of them. Nothing is the same as it used to be. Some of us downsize. Sometimes our parents get sick and our kids are grown and move away. We reevaluate our jobs and at times our bodies start to become uncooperative. Pivot, pivot, pivot. Adjust, readjust.
I don’t know if you agree with this, but I do not plan to acquiesce to change lying down. I won’t be complacent or relaxed. No, I intend to take action. I plan to: push, pivot, prepare, prioritize, proceed, ponder, produce and I will persevere. Not perfectly, but I will persevere. Onward and upward as they say.
I have reached midlife, my children are grown and are building lives on their own. My nest is empty and now it is time to refocus on me. I want to learn, I want to achieve, I want to share, I want to experience life in a new way. I want to find adventure. I know that my kids could not live with me for eternity, nor would I want them to. In a perfect world they would have great careers and families and they would live nearby. There is no such thing as perfect.
My oldest child attended college in the Pacific Northwest, 1,000 miles from home and now lives there permanently. My youngest child is finishing his final year at UCLA in Los Angeles with his sights set on perhaps living in Europe. I didn’t sign up for that. My oldest child just today informed me that her company may want to send her to Australia, I didn’t sign up for that either. Holy cow, do I need to pivot on that one.
As I have gotten older I have found that I am less likely to overreact, less likely to panic. My son may never actually leave the country. What is the statistic? Ninety percent of what we worry about never even happens? Therefore, I am not going to worry unnecessarily, it may never happen.
Change is good thing, really it is. It means we are alive and moving forward. Age brings wisdom and we make more informed choices, we can be proactive. We shouldn’t want to be stagnant, set in our ways. Change means learning, growing and perhaps achieving something we never thought possible! Why not look at midlife as a starting point, instead of the finish line? We will always be parents, but we can still be ourselves, keep the magic of life going and dream of something even bigger.
Change is inevitable. It’s like the relentless locomotive arriving at the station, you can’t stop it from coming. We must board that train of change and see where it takes us. Want to join me?
What significant changes have you had to deal with lately?
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It’s all about reframing, isn’t it? This week we met up with a good friend we met on our first trip to Europe. I was 23 and I was sharing how it was such a new idea to me, to live in Europe (which we did for 6 months). But now my daughters think nothing of it…and as you know, Alex is in Amsterdam for a year. He said, “You made it possible to take another leap, because of what you exposed them to when they were children, you trained them for this.” Considering that her first trip to Europe was when she was 8, I think he’s right. And Skype is a very good thing!
I know that we have prepared our children for adventure! I am proud of that. I think change is a really good thing and we are going to have a blast!
Hang in there, my daughter informed me that she was considering living in Spain after graduation. (What what? Isn’t NYC far enough away from S. California? ) Then she spent a semester studying there and found out that unemployment is much higher there and the life she was dreaming about was just that – a dream. It’s sometimes a challenge to roll with the flow of the lives of adult children but you will and things will be fine. Virtual hugs to you!
Thanks Christina – I am rolling with it all. Embracing the changes – loving midlfe! Thank you for reading and commenting!
Prior to living in So Cal my whole life had been nothing but change–going from one “grand adventure” (as my dad called them) to another. That being said–I can definitely relate to your post. When it comes to our children, we want them to grow up and spread their wings but not too far. Defining myself as a mom for half my life and then finding no one to mother (except the dog) brings it’s own set of challenges, adjustments and readjustments however, it’s never boring. Without the kids around I’ve discovered hidden talents, new hobbies and fallen in love with my husband all over again. It can be lonely at times but I’ve come to treasure the rare moments when we are all together as precious gifts. It makes life that much more precious and sweeter in a way that I didn’t expierence when mine were little–quite frankly I was so stressed, exhausted and busy then. So that season is over and I have to be careful not to romanticize it but appreciate it for what it was. I think that’s the trick to accepting change. Letting go of what was, appreciating it for what it was and then looking forward to what will be. At least that’s what has helped me.
Laura: This is so perfect, I feel exactly the same way. Thank you so much for sharing!
[…] of adventures, the #findadventure promoter, the supporter of new ideas and the author of the Inevitablitlty of Change. It is now time that I take some of my own advice. But what if this change is something so big […]