It’s Called the Empty Nest and it is a Syndrome

Please welcome our newest Guest Adventurer!
Cinthia Milner 
Horticulturist, Writer, Believer
Cinthia is a trained horticulturist who works as a garden coach, speaker, educator and writer at a local, independent garden center in Asheville, NC. She writes for magazines, and newspapers but enjoys her blog writing the most at  www.transplantedandstillblooming.com, where she writes about the ‘inevitable changes’ life brings (transplanted) and the adjustments we must make (still blooming). Mom to two adult sons, and YaYa to two adorable granddaughters, her favorite place in the world is her garden.

1. A syndrome, in medicine and psychology, is the collection of signs and symptoms that are observed in, and characteristic of, a single condition.

2. Empty Nest Syndrome refers to feelings of depression, sadness, and/or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes. (Psychology Today)

No wonder we have so many syndromes. Somebody is collecting signs and symptoms and giving that a name.

Note, it does not say feelings of exuberance, joy, relief or downright giddiness. This surprises me. I totally expected to just jump right into this empty nest thing, and soak it up. It has been 25 years since I was alone, as in, all by myself.

So okay, it’s been a DAY since the College Son departed for Costa Rica to do the student exchange thing, and I can officially claim the syndrome of an empty nest. “Hi, my name is Cinthia, and I have Empty Nest Syndrome.”

I realize, for those returning from Afghanistan with PTSD, it just loses something when said out loud. But, this dang house is too quiet. And, I swear, not making it up, someone just tried to open my back door, but they did not because it was locked, and I was screaming. So, instead they ran off, and are presently telling the neighbors, “Um, yeah, don’t try making friends with the lady in the house on the corner. She’s cr-ra-azy.”

Well, I feel a tad crazy. I mean, all the hubbub that goes into getting your 20-soon-to-be-21-year-old son ready to live in a foreign country is crazy making. (As in, in two weeks he’ll turn 21 in Costa Rica. He’ll have his 21st birthday in San Jose. I feel so good about that.) It was/is an emotional roller coaster for this family whose favorite place to travel is Jekyll Island for a two-week stay at the Hacienda where we speak English, and sleep on the beach all day. Adding stress to our lives by experiencing “another culture” is typically not our M.O. because life is stressful enough in this culture, why go looking for it in another one? A real global girl, here.

At any rate, I expect the College Son to come back all tanned, 21, immortal, and ready for the next big challenge. Because he is almost 21. But, me? Well, the Psychology Today newsletter that gives us the Empty Nest Syndrome low-down, says part of the dilemma for we women (and men) whose children are leaving home is that we are also facing “so many other life challenges.” Like caring for a parent, or losing a parent, menopause (I cannot believe I just wrote that word in public), looming retirement or disabilities. Disabilities? I should be offended. But, as I type, I have my foot propped up because I am in pain equal to childbirth, and assume amputation awaits me. Adding insult to injury, this is not the result of an injury, so clearly, old age has arrived along with my empty nest.

Just a quick note: Let’s catch Psychology Today up with the times. Right after Empty Nest Syndrome is the now popular, I’m Never Retiring Syndrome, shortened to the Remember-When Syndrome.

All in all, first empty-nest-day down, put me down for a no. I preferred my children at age 3. They hadn’t learned the word no yet, were still in my constant care, and loved to snuggle. The problem? It seems that’s about the age I should have started the letting go process. Susan Newman, Ph.D., says in her article on the topic, that the first step into the kindergarten classroom is a benchmark for the first day of pulling back, preparing both child and parents for final departure day. Okay, so I am WAY behind. Typical me. Now, it’s about the cram.

But, alas, I have no choice. The baby literally flew the coop, and the eagle has landed in a sunny, tropical spot, no less. So, what’s a mom to do? Costa Rica sounds like a nice place. I hear it is a great place to retire. If such a thing existed, I mean. Psychology Today also said I should embrace new adventures at this juncture of my life. So who knows? Maybe I could be a global girl.

empty nest syndrome
The eagle (Cinthia’s son) in a tropical paradise. (Photo courtesy of SnapChat. Yeah, like those things work.)

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “It’s Called the Empty Nest and it is a Syndrome”

  1. What fun, Suzanne! Love to see Micah’s face (the College Son) on your blog. Thanks for hosting me! I am super jealous of your new nest. It looks warm and sunny there. Presently, in my Brevard, NC nest, it is 38° and cloudy, and that’s the 10 day forecast. So enjoyed your blog on downsizing, rightsizing. I can relate. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Makes me feel less like a crazy mother and more like, well, it’s just normal.

    Reply
    • No thank you Cinthia for sharing your honest thoughts about the Empty Nest. Yes I am afraid our weather here is much better. I am glad that you are enjoying our journey as we are enjoying yours. Yes you are very normal, and frankly there is no such thing as normal! All the best to you and keep those stories coming!

      Reply

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